The last couple of weeks I have spent some time in two fascinating reads.
Before Happiness by Shawn Achor
Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat
In the first Shawn brought up a ratio that will not stop rolling around in my brain. It's called the Losada Line.
"Powerful research by the mathematician Marcial Losada and the University of North Carolina psychologist Barbara Fredrickson found that in the working world the most valuable reality is one in which there is at least a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions."
In the second, Mo talks at length about death. He references RIP or Rest in Peace. He speaks about the fact that we all too often are afraid to die. When we are consumed by that fear, we in turn fail to live. He says the best way to re-frame that is to start reminding people to Live in Peace. Asking ourselves a powerful question helps us live in peace with others and our self. The question is, "Is that true?" When someone cuts us off or says something harsh to us we must ask ourselves the question, is that true? What I just said to that person or about that person is it true? When we are angry at our teenage child for doing that thing again and we say something like, so and so is always in a bad mood, we must catch our self and say, is that true? In asking this question we are living at peace with others because we are searching out the truth of what is going on versus our perception of it. In answering the question is that true we push our self to frame and re-frame until we get to a place where we are telling the truth about what is going on and that truth is not skewed by our interpretation of it.
I think we should add the two pieces of advice together. When we can find 1 thing wrong with a scenario we must help our brain find 3 things right with it. We need to tip the scale in our understanding of a situation to live at peace with ourselves and with others.
In Before Happiness, Shawn shared this, "On the basis of decades of research, psychologist and relationship guru John Gottman has found that there needs to be at least a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative experiences to maintain a sound relationship and that spouses who have lower than a 5:1 ratio have a significantly higher rate of divorce."
The point I am trying to make is this what if your Losada Line was 6:1 positive versus negative experiences, thoughts, emotions, etc? Well, you would live in peace with yourself and with others.
Your work and your life depend solely on how you show up. What's the ratio you are living at right now? How will you tip the scale to live at peace now?
Don't wait for death to live at peace.